random update for sake of noise making.

work is work, tedious bore ridden stuff that requires masochistic tendencies. For those that didn't know that, you're either lucky, stupid or yet to learn.

mongeeses are fun, as are ginger ninja squirrels.

Summer Shakespeare is awesome. And I am Mercutio.

America is... well, America is a lot of things I expected it to be.

To say the landscape is stunning would be banal, but also true - thus 'the landscape is stunning'. Epic even, taken in as rolling expances evolving from one vista to the next. An eighty hour panoramic view unfolding through grimy oiled flecked car windows. Forty there, forty back. From Longview to Kansis City, a different path each way, through eleven states.

Early in the trip I notice hidden subtley amidst small grey clumps of brush are small grey sheep. Of course they have sheep also, they just don't want to admit it. More I notice the scale of things, immense valleys and gorges, tall trees and wide rivers like inland seas. The alien colours of parts of Utah, like a frozen landscape of grey trees, purple and red bushes, and red mountains.

Of course as the glamour of nature sets in realism marrs the overal effect. I can't enjoy the sweeping cliffs that envelop the road without noticing the road, the blownout tyres, the gross bulk of litter even if the next two miles are supposed to be looked after by the 'knights of Penderton' under the Adopt a Highway program. The knights are slacking off, every group so chivilarious to donate their time seems to have forgotten - except the 'Utah youth probation services'. That stretch is lined with overflowing orange bags waiting for collection. Civilisation scars like a cancer - colour bleaches out and is replaced by grey industrial scabs, pimpled by abandoned cars and graffittied shells of buildings. Cities clumps ugly like tumours, only to surprise you occassionally with an attractive and well concidered section of park or retail district. Far more numberious however are the monotonious community compounds with there oh so neat and repeatitive colour schemes, or the trailer park lots with semiperminant double wide shacks lined up. YOu occassional glimpse a figure glued to a couch through an open door. Surely glued or sewen in, they don't so much as fractionally move in the spilt seconds that you observe them.

People as a whole seem as fixtures to the architecture, or when met directly are one of two manic extremes, grumpy and crass or delightfully friendly. Many are quite interesting to talk to however. Everyone has an opinion on how the weather must differ here from that at home.

The roads are mostly clear of cars, mostly crowded with trucks. Roadtrips are a forgotten art as the cost of petrol and distances involved make it actually cheaper to fly everywhere.

Shopping complexes line the highways, every exit brings with it the necessary BK, Arby's, McD, Taco Hell, Wendy's, and Subway... and a few others that interchange along the way. My guts cramp at this point in responce to the thought of ever going near fast food again.

The news here is horrific, bias, blind sighted, or merely horrific in the details. We passed a lot of flags on the way back, some at half mast. I don't need to wonder why.

I'm getting married in eleven days...

I know many of you probably don't care, i burnt too many bridges last year, sunk too low, acted too selfishly, drank too much, and didn't try to be who I should have been - me. But then 'me' was never the most likable of people anyway. I was always a pain, even if my heart was in the right place, though last year it wasn't. Apologising isn't really going to win me back any friends and some I don't want back, those who could be polite and friendly to my face while backstabbing me elsewhere can rot. Still for what it is worth, I have been sorry about everything that went on. Some of my first true regrets were formed in the last year and a bit. Oh, well.. moving on. Most of those who can move on with me already have, the rest know where I am if they want to try.

And then the last year has also brought me some truely precious friends, Erin, Matt, Sofie, Hannah, Ash. But at the moment I wish I was still in NZ to have tea with some of my older friends, particularly those in need of a hug.

Eleven days, aye? it'll be an adventure.
See some of you in May.

Opportunity to post once more casts forward with internet access appropriated at a friend's place. Amusement gained as anticipated in response to my last post... have to respect dan for actually posting what he thinks, most people far more two faced to express an actual opinion, but shrugging is maintained as the height of my ability to respond. If I felt any especial desparate need for recognition there are better ways of gratifying that need, more that when in a vacuum of responces the medium and linguistic expression of ideas become irrelevant - words form pulsing unhindered by moments considered as to people's interpretation of what you may be saying and only the most assuming will take that as a need to make one's self feel differentiated from the masses. to seperate myself from them all i needs do is a) not bitch b) not 'omg this link is sooo fucking cool'

P.S.oint is in being past having to care. Yay me!

Anyway.
Single month left to the great venturing forth from country limited experiences, polluting my lifestream of events with the physical realisation of the united states of america and doing the unforeseen by self and getting married. ekk! I mean...Yay me!

pouring words forth like acid drip drip dripping through metal plates: a hiss, bubble and splat - you have a avant garde expression - a chemical arrangement in words formed vitriol in the molten brainwomb of consciousness.

P.S.oint is in wondering. Expression is a dynamic grasping at the handholds of existence: are others even there? past the regular interact of individuals seen often who else even conntects to a few scrawled meanderings?

P.S.oint is in seeking. Existence without expression is suffering in silence, not recognising even the hiss let alone the splat.

is the hiss heard?
is anyone even reading this?

fringe festival in wellington. Performing the bowler hat once again until i stumble homeward next sunday evening... just in time for my final exam ever.

Wellington in suiting me at the moment, interweaving acting, studying and drinking wine on the terrace of our hostel. Clubbing last night was most excellent, with random interludes of dancing with attractive strangers like maniacs hopped up on crack cocaine and sherbert. Came back to the room drenched in sweat, mostly my own and desperate for the goodness of a shower.

today is a day for wandering and taking in the cafe scene. Offbeat had some interesting artwork and cheap extremely good food. more study now then performing again tonight

wibble. going to Leigh's twenty first brought about a degree of conflict within me: for a start I do actually miss hanging out with people, a number of whom I rarely see anymore and once valued a great deal; however I don't feel any real connection to my past any more, and I don't want to be bothered reestablishing connexions long withered and apparently unsought by those on the other side of the equation.

It seems most people believe that I am on curfew these days anyway or have various other skewed opinions as to my motives. I shrug. Those people I still see regularly at least allow me confidence in our friendships and I appreciate that. This is particularly so since I have never really been able to take people at face value, doubt and anxiety often confuse my meager interpersonal skills to the point of haphazard blundering and the complete alienation of others. whatever, that's like saying people don't get other people - duh.

I love the fact that those I haven't seen in some time are trapped in the past, all they want to discuss with me are past misgivings and wrongs, or should they actually have fresh news it turns out to be a simple reccurance of the same old hat complaints. Not that I am much better, but I wonder whether we realise how much we all complain about others, if we ever really critique our incessant instinct to demonise and demean others. Fuck I can't even help being nasty to William at times, that monkey just irks me.

I suppose in some ways I am trapped by the past rather than in: it acts as a constant constraint as to how I socialise in this hole. Perhaps getting out of here will be a decisive move for the better, but that is part of the plan already. And will hopefully stem the tide of threatened misanthropy.

Marriage is going to be weird and difficult, and I highly doubt I am capable of sustaining a relationship for longer than a decade. Moving to America is also going to be weird. Thankfully I am mostly certain that I will be able to deal with the fallout should the worst come to pass, and returning to NZ is only as difficult as getting myself deported.

One exam remains, one exam for a paper i never even started... oh and I should get the assignments donw for that in the meanwhile also.

Have completed everything else including the thirty four page movie script i wrote over about fourteen hours entertaining the likely outcome if Baal'zubul showed up on an artist's doorstep waiting a portrait painted. most of the actual script ends up being set up around the suicidal cancer plagued life of the artist with only a little of old baal.

Soon the jobbening and then the gamening will begin. Will likely be getting back into a few games but am also concidering trying to whip you stooges into a working larp. oh the masochistic stupidity of the idea!

( meme shnur )

Aside from a random torrent of meme crud to rot your awareness of me, I have little that I want to share at present, online that is in any case. Anyway, anyone who feels like arranging a point over the next few weeks to catch up either reply or text me.

( room with a view )
( meme meme meaties )
( spider solitaire should come in tarot )
( someone to have coffee with )
( scrapped from the bottom of the barrel )
( only? )

the examining ends.
*paralytic collapse*

Glance through your LJ friends list and consider what they would be like in any particular fantasy setting. Out of these friends create the adventuring party that you would romp around with in that setting and describe their roles in the party alongside your own - maximum party of five.

( dragonlance adventures )

Take a look a your LJ friends list, then list up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different LJ friends. Do NOT state who these people are. MIGHT NOT confirm nor deny any "comment speculation".

( Abandon hope allye who here dare do tread )

Brief update:

* Play I am in is almost over, thank god; three nights to go.

* A different play I have gotten a part in is looking better and better.

* The other play I am writing is getting there; I have a professional dramaturge helping.

* I have just given away a painting, it was okay.

* Have four sketches done for new painting series, once developed they are gone onto canvas and will be done by august.

* Mostly up to date with assignments; graduation is looking sweeter and sweeter.

* It is my birthday today, shrug.